make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
