is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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