Kiss
Puke
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
