i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
