it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
