at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
