I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
