I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
