it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
