She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
