this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my liver is dry heaving
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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