was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
