woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize