Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
