I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
