You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo