I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.