I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?