there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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