the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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