OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
