You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
