Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am available for nakedness
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
