when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
