guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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