i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
