Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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