I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
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Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dicks are not precious.