and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?