I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.