I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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