She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize