She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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