I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
