We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
