Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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