And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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