Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
God, I missed his penis.
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