We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
