I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
May the power of my ass compel you!!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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