I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize