i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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