I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
