two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
