He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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