I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
