So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
