And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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