just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
