just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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