Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
