the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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