So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
