i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
