i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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