Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize