Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
