I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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