There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
