okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
