are you still at the devil's house?
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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