I got chris browned last night
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
